i dont exactly know when everything changed or when things took a turn for the worst. All I really know is that i'm here alone, and the walls feel like its falling in on me. I feel like the world that i know around me isn't what it used to be. I feel quite isolated. Very misanthrope. Why cant i feel at ease anymore. I had a friend tell me " to me paranoia is acute awareness, but i like it". i dont know why i threw that in there its not like im paranoid. just uneasy. i see and feel myself going through the motions and when i look at myself i see that same blank, fake face looking back. i have a heart and i know its a good heart, but why cant other people recognize that as well? why do they so easily toss my feelings and affections to the side like it means nothing.. "i'm trying to be happy but i think its pretty obvious by now that it isnt my strongest forte"
i'll be blunt about it. i think i could have loved you.. i think i could have been so happy with you. i saw us together for a very long time. but of course u didn't feel the same that's why were not together. but im going to leave my heat and feelings for you here. i'll never forget the good times and all the laughter we shared. but i think its time i leave it all. your nothing but heartache now. you dont think of me the way i think of you. you dont miss me the same or any of that for that matter. maybe one day we can look back at it and laugh but until than i think this is goodbye. i gotta get myself back to where i was before i met you. i was living on a high of good times and friends. now look at me, look what ive turned to for happiness? this temporary high does nothing for me and i cant seem to get out of the down once the high is gone. when its gone i have nothing to show for it. the unsettling feelings i have just shoot through me like a rapid strong and forceful. i hate these feelings that i have in the middle of the night not knowing whats right from wrong. all i know is that i want to be happy, the happy you can achieve from just being yourself. until i get there im not going to settle for anything less.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
word.
“ Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. “I’m okay” we say. “I’m alright”. But sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can’t get it off. That’s when you realize that sometimes it isn’t even an answer—it’s a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced. "
Monday, March 8, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
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